Tuesday, July 29, 2008

tale of a heartbreak

I didn't catch his name. I barely remember his face. But I know exactly how he made me feel.

Falling for him seemed unlikely, I would not have given him a second glance had he not noticed me first. But when we started talking, there was something in his eyes, in his voice, in how he smiled at me - that drew me inexplicably to him.

It was crazy - I didn't even know if he was smart, if he was cultured, if he liked novels and poetry, which I normally would like to know about a guy. But no, it was like he was already perfect in every way, I needn't know more than the fact that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

Soon, we were meeting secretly - in places I couldn't seem to remember. They never mattered anyway, everything else drowned in his presence. I could not recall anything else except the way I felt when he held me close. Soon, feelings I never thought I'd feel, consumed me - security, peace, love.

His kisses were the most tender ones I've had, and I would kiss him back passionately, determined to let him know how much he means to me. To make him feel that for the first time in my life, I'm willing to entrust my heart to someone, to share with someone else, all of me.

I was in ecstasy - no, I was in heaven.

The next events were blurry. And just like that, everything stopped. He was in front of me, looking into my eyes. It didn't take me long to realize he wasn't his usual self. His eyes were full of sadness, I could swear they were almost watery - it gleamed dramatically under the moonlight. Although he was talking with the gentlest voice, I felt the pang of every word. My chest tightened, I could no longer stop myself from crying. And looking down at where my heart used to be, I knew I was never going to be whole again.

And then he hugged me. I closed my eyes and made the most out of his warm embrace. This would be the last time I would see him, I told myself. And perhaps the last time I will ever allow anyone to be this close, and mean this much to me.


... I wake up with the heaviest feeling. I grab my phone to find out what time it is. And then I lie on my back, still as could be... staring at the ceiling for the longest time.

My fear has finally given me a glimpse of what could be. Even in my subconscious, it seemed so real. And now I'm not exactly sure how I feel.

Sigh. In the most vivid of dreams, my heart was broken for the first time. :'(

5 comments:

f. jordan said...

My goodness, Anna...

This packs a lot of sentimentality. There's nothing wrong with it though. It's just that the emotions you have presented here seem so real. Unsa jud ni! Bullfrogs...

anna katrina said...

well, it seemed so real to me too... I would give anything to see that guy again... feeling nako hantud karun, my heart is still aching. :(

Aiken said...

well i've had these kinds of dreams pud.... nya sometimes i wake up crying... huhuhhu.... shiet shiet shiet.

rabsin_d said...

Ouch! That sucks...

anna katrina said...

@aiken: I know right? Shet jud. huhuhuhu. What's worse is that I have never met the guy before (barely remember his face), and might never get to see him in the real world. :(